Reprogramming the RAS week 6
I hope people are finding these posts helpful. Last week we explored some steps towards a kinder inner voice, this week we are sharing some more which may be of interest. I realise confidence can also often be an issue to making change so when the RAS pieces are finished I am going to offer some ideas on how to become your own confidence architect. Please feel free to share. We covered steps one to four last week, this week we will look at steps five and six. I appreciate there are many offers to reflect so wanted to break the posts down so they may be easier to dip into as I know time is often a challenge. However, wellbeing matters and taking time to invest in it, in whatever way that works for us is time well spent. This is just one of many ideas which exist, put together with love because you do matter and COPE and I still care.
Step five
We can’t control other people only ourselves, saying things will be better when other people behave differently, or are nice to us, or whatever it is they are doing which pulls you down changes, could be a long time in coming; if ever, and even, could stop you from achieving your goals. Yes, it would be nice if everyone behaved how we wanted them to, but they don’t. However, you can control how you behave, and you can learn to control your inner voice and internal filter.
Point for reflection
Do I have a tendency to think I will wait until others change, feel okay, approve of what I am doing etc before I change, if this isn’t helpful for me, what do I plan to do about it?
Step six
If there are people in your life who put you down or are critical of you then limit your contact with them and maybe don’t share your hopes and dreams if they are the type to pull you down. If you don’t have any supportive people in your life who encourage you, then maybe it’s time to find some, even if in the first instance these are professional advisors or services, or join a peer support group or network of people with shared interests.
We all benefit from encouragement when we are trying something new. If there really isn’t anyone it’s even more important that your self-talk is positive and make one of your goals meeting new positive people. They are out there, programme your filter to find them. Remember also, be interested in others. Human relationships to work benefit from people being interested in each other and not only what others can do for us. Be the person to others, you would like others to be to you. If everyone did this, maybe we would all find we lived in a kinder more generous world.
Points for reflection
Do I have enough positive people in my life and if not, what can I do to try and find them?
Am I a positive and encouraging person for other people to be around and if not, what can I do to learn to be interested in others hopes and dreams as well as my own?
Remember
You can’t control other people, not really, any apparent effort is an illusion and short term
People will do what they choose to do regardless of what you want them to do
You can choose to focus on what can give you peace of mind by your own efforts
If you wait until others behave differently before you look after your own well- being, you may find you are never at peace
How often have you tried to do something you thought was kind or helpful but been ignored. Or, the person has quite happily got on with their life, either not noticing what you did, or taking it for granted with a token thank you, leaving you maybe feeling angry, ignored, sad, misunderstood and generally your quality of life is negatively affected as it always seems to be you giving and others taking? Is this so routine now it has become habit? Look at the behaviours in that routine and explore how you can begin to change them
For you to have peace of mind you may need to let someone go and learn to live with the guilt of that decision as the person isn’t going to make it easy. If we have taken responsibility for their lives and carried them and they have had to do nothing of course they don’t want to give that up, but all your efforts haven’t changed the behaviour and people need to learn there are consequences, just as there are for you if you allow this to continue. You have a choice, it might not be easy but it’s yours to make. Maybe you need to decide what would cause you the most distress, don’t just think short term think longer term. Changing routines to change habits can also mean how we interact with others and how our wellbeing is affected by those around you. If you need help to do this, speak to someone.
Sometimes we find guilt can play a big part in how we relate to others. There are some wee tips on www.copescotland.com you may find helpful to read around tips to manage guilt. They are for selfcare and do not replace professional advice.
Point for reflection
Do I find I am constantly giving and feel others are constantly taking? What is the routine I have got into which has made this a habit and how can I change it?
We have again covered a lot this week and shall finish this particular section next week around working towards a kinder inner voice if this is important to you. Please remember you do matter.
Thanks for reading
Hilda