Getting your oomph back week 3
Driver, passenger or navigator in the car of your life?
We have explored the ideas around why you may have lost your oomph/zest for life/motivation and considered whether these may be internal and/or external factors which are impacting on us. We also touched on the importance of our internal voice and the story we tell ourselves about what is happening and who we are. If you have not already watched this video, then perhaps think about making time to have a look https://www.copescotland.com/resources/what-are-you-saying-to-yourself-because-you-are-listening It offers some helpful reflections on becoming aware of what we say to ourselves and reminds us this matters because we are listening to what we say.
Please remember, these posts are for self care and reflection and not a replacement for professional advice. If this is not right for you at this time, that’s okay, what matters is finding something that works for you.
Much of getting our oomph back is around change and choices. It may be useful to think about going through life as being on a journey, if you think about being on a journey in a car then sometimes, we can either be a passenger or a driver? If you are the passenger, then you can make requests about where you would like to go and which road you want to take to get there, but if the driver is not listening or doesn’t agree with that request then you may find yourself going somewhere totally different!
If you are the driver, then you have control which destination to head for and which route to take. That means you have a great deal of both power and responsibility. It is usually wise though if you have passengers to include them in planning and decision-making. They might have good ideas about where to go and how best to get there. In life we can play many leadership roles and it’s worth remembering the impact we can have when we are in that role, wherever that may be.
The middle ground between a dominant driver and a passive passenger is to team up as a driver and navigator. That spirit of ‘being in this together’ often benefits everyone involved. If you are in the car of life on your own, then take time to reflect, ‘’If I am not driving who is’’!
It may be due to health or other challenges that you need someone to help drive your car of life, if that’s the case, then agree where you can go. We all need help sometimes; however, people also need to remember, we still have the right to choices. You may not be the driver, but you can be the driver/ navigator in the car of your own life.
Driver/Navigator or passenger
If you want to make some changes in your life, it is helpful to become aware whether you are a driver or passenger in your car of life and whether the destination is one of your choosing in whatever role. Remember, internal and external influences. In a real car we may find we plan to go somewhere but due to roadworks we need to change our route, or due to bad weather we have to avoid travelling that day. So, it is with the car of life, sometimes things beyond our control can impact on our journey, however, it is important to reflect just as with a real car, that does not mean we do not go where we planned, just that we may need to do it another day or take another route.
If you decide to be the passenger and see where life takes you by not setting any goals of your own, then that’s ok but be aware that you may end up in some very nice places that perhaps you would never have seen, but you may also find yourself in some not so nice place that you would have preferred not to have experienced.
These may be useful points for reflection
- What do you think may be disadvantages to being a passenger in your own life’s journey?
- What do you think may be the advantages to being a passenger in your own life’s journey?
- What do you think may be disadvantages to be the driver/navigator in your life’s journey?
- What do you think may be the advantages to be the driver/navigator in your life’s journey?
It may be thinking about the answers to these questions you wonder about making some changes, but finding change is hard. Next time we will explore our attitudes to change and some ideas which may be helpful to make the changes we need to regain that zest/oomph/motivation which we know will be helpful for us and what we want to do for our life journey. Another way to think about this is around how much agency we feel we have over our lives. There can be many environmental and social factors which can impact on this, however, regaining that sense of agency is important if we feel stuck in a rut , apathetic or even helpless. It is understandable with all that has happened over the past few years that many of us are feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted, however, to move on from this requires an awareness of what is still within our control which often can be more than we realise.
Remember, just like a real car needs maintenance, so do we, selfcare is part of our maintenance. These selfcare score cards may be a useful resource to remind us how simple selfcare can be, as well as perhaps starting a logbook to remind us that we are looking after ourselves. https://www.copescotland.com/resources/self-care-scorecard
Thanks for reading
Hilda
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