Getting Your Oomph Back week 9
We have explored the idea of change. However, we need to feel we have some amount of control over our own lives to make those changes. This also means seeing, and believing in, our own power to make the changes we want. It’s great if you already feel some of your own power and control. If not, then think about why that may be the case and what might increase your sense of control.
That starts with seeing the difference between the things where you do, and do not, have any real power to decide. For example, you cannot control the weather, but you can decide what to wear outside. (and may be get in the habit of taking an umbrella if you are not sure!)
Perhaps take a moment to reflect, remembering this is for self-care and not a replacement for professional advice.
- What are some things that matter to me, but I cannot control?
- What things really matter to me that are mostly within my control
(that is, my power to decide and do)?
Most of us don’t like uncertainty. Often it is because change might seem too risky (what if it all goes wrong?) or we don’t yet have the confidence to try something new when the path ahead cannot be seen clearly (what if I make a mistake?). There are many resources on our website which may be of interest if you want to build your confidence e.g. https://www.copescotland.com/resources/be-your-own-confidence-architect
This is not encouraging people to be reckless. However, there are many choices between being reckless and being frozen in place (especially when that place does not make us happy or healthy). Sometimes, the main thing blocking our way forward is our own fear, negative thinking, and lack of confidence and self-belief. These are barriers we can learn to get past.
For instance, think about driving a car at night. Can we see the whole road ahead before we leave? No, of course not. However, we can plan our route in advance; accept there may be potholes or detours along the way; and pay careful attention to what is happening as we keep moving in the right direction. Almost always, we end up getting to our chosen destination . . . safe, sound, and happy to arrive.
The journey of life is – or should be – much the same. Setting goals can help. That means thinking about where you want to go and how best to get there. Most journeys take place in our minds first– before we try them in the world. Having goals and a path clearly in mind increases our sense of control. This link takes you to a fun tool to help set goals https://www.copescotland.com/resources/goal-setting-snakes-and-ladders You may also be interested in this piece around visualisation https://www.copescotland.com/resources/creative-visualisation
Some points for reflection
What is your goal to regaining your ‘oomph’ zest for life. What is it you want to achieve, experience? Is it your goal? It matters when we set goals they have meaning, for us and not be something we feel is expected of us by others. When we are talking about a sense of control, self-agency, it matters we are clear on our personal goals.
Is your goal realistic? Now that is not to say we do not have aspirations however, if our energy is flat, it matters we build ourselves back up with slow, regular steps rather than set ourselves unrealistic targets then feel disheartened if we do not meet them.
What will you do to remind yourself of your goal? E.g. will you keep a journal, a motivation quote or postcard, a vision board? When we write something down and reflect back on it that can also help give us a sense of movement and control as we see the steps we are taking. This piece on journaling may be of interest https://www.copescotland.com/resources/ideas-for-journaling
How will you build in the time to achieve your goal? Again, this is why its important we are realistic and go at a slow steady pace, allowing momentum to build naturally.
Who can support you? Having a goal buddy can help motivate us and keep us on track, it may even be that you and a friend or someone you know share some things you want to do and can support each other to get there
If it does not go to plan, what will you do to overcome the obstacles and start again? It would be great if everything we tried worked our right first time, this is not always the case so do not be disheartened if you find plan A does not work, you can explore ideas for plan B, just do not give up, be clear on your goal and vision and take steps no matter how small towards that
Do you need advice before making these decisions around what areas you want to take control over? Who can you speak to? There are often more people willing to listen than we realise
How will you remind yourself to focus on the positive, to keep in your mind how good you will feel when you have made this change?
Are you ready to make some changes?
If you are not ready, what are the obstacles you need to overcome?
If you are ready, when do you plan to start?
Fear of failure can often hold us back. Confidence and self-belief are important, so we will explore that more next week.
Be kind to yourself, you matter
Hilda